Why Staying at Home Isn’t A Waste and How to Make it Happen

The moment I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I knew I wanted to stay home with my baby. It was an unexpected feeling, something I couldn't explain, and my friends and family were worried.

I was 22, a newlywed fresh out of college with a degree and accomplishments like "valedictorian" and "summa cum laude" on my resume. People were expecting me to do big things with my life. They couldn't understand why I wanted nothing more than to stay home with my baby.

The only person on my side was my husband. He agreed that we would make whatever sacrifices necessary to make it happen. So, I went to talk to my mentor at the time – someone I deeply admired who had been a guiding force for years for both my husband and myself.

This mentor's advice made me cry big alligator tears – “That would be such a waste,” he said.

I was caught off-guard. I fully expected this person to support my choice and direct me towards a loving person who could help me make it happen. Instead, he gave me a fully convinced "no - that's not a good idea" with a side order of disgust too.

But he was 100% wrong, and I knew it.

My heart kept saying, “Investing in this baby of mine is anything but a waste,” so I quietly said aloud, "I think you're wrong" and did what I knew I had to do. We made our own choice, and I stayed home (and separated ourselves from that mentor pretty soon thereafter too).

I didn't know if I was choosing to stay home for my baby or for me, but I knew I had to try it; I had never wanted anything more in my entire life.

But life costs money and we were just starting out, so I had to do something to supplement my husband's income. I scoured the internet at the time for online jobs, knowing I could bring value and earn an income during nap times and other small free moments. But in 2005 with no experience and no expertise, online jobs just looked like scams to me. So, I tried babysitting for a while and when we got the opportunity to move outside of the U.S., I became a nanny.

Pretty soon, one baby turned into two, and I scrubbed floors and bought groceries for other people with my college degree in my back pocket, but I was happy to be home with my babies.

In the darkest moments, I questioned myself and my choices, but every single time, words of wisdom would come my way like this nugget:

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

– Mother Teresa

A few years later, back in the States, during the Great Recession when jobs were scarce, my husband and I had to switch roles temporarily. We decided that he would stay home with the kids while I worked full-time outside of the home for a year or two. My office was less than 10 minutes away, so I thought it would be okay for a while.

And I discovered that I actually loved working in my field - the one I had that college degree in. I was doing work I was proud of, and I was good at it too.

But even as much as I loved the work, I hated going to work every single day. I wanted to have my work cake and eat it too - by working from home.

The work itself was invigorating, exactly where I wanted to invest time and energy, but being away from my babies all day every day made me feel like I wasn't where I needed to be. So, I decided I would try to have both. I earned trust, produced the best work I could, and begged for the freedom to work as many hours as possible from home.

Then I pushed to be able to work from home one day per week, then two, then three.

Then I pushed again and again, going after promotions and different positions within the same company, trying to find one that would allow me to be home more.

The I resigned and tried contract work, 100% from home. I worked super hard and proved my value, my dependability, my integrity. And I kept working that way for a few years - doing my very best, hoping and praying for the freedom to work from home more and more.

Then in 2016, it happened - I returned to work full-time from home – a dream it only took 11 years to realize.

And these days, I am incredibly grateful for every single day I get to work from home. It costs me a lot of sleep, nearly all of my leisure time, very early mornings, quite a few late nights, and even some weekends, but it is completely worth it to me.

Because of my determination to work from home (and an employer agreeable enough to make it happen), I’ve been able to homeschool my children, travel full-time travel with them for 6+ years, take them to 49 out of 50 states in the U.S., and get to more national parks, museums, historical monuments, and wild places than I ever knew existed. And as of this writing, we have plans to see and do more together – to stay in Italy for a few months, to live in Australia for a little while, to sail to New Zealand, the Great Barrier Reef, Alaska, and a few other places too.

But none of that would have ever been possible if I didn’t believe in my dream to stay home with my babies all those years ago.

I'm so glad I said yes to that dream, and now I know so many others who said yes too - and so many who desperately want to say yes.

It’s an overused saying now, but there's a quote that brought it all together for me. I still remember how my heart fluttered the first time I saw it in print - just a few words on a page telling me I wasn't alone, letting me know that there are so many other parents out there who know the value of investing in children with everything we have - whether that means staying home or not. Here it is:

“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”

– Dr. John Trainer

I believe any mama who wants to stay home with her baby should be able to make it happen, to do valuable work from home, to earn a livable income while being with her baby more hours than not.

I believe daycare should not be the first option – it should be the second choice, something available for parents who both need to work for one reason or another, or an occasional option for the mama who needs to work outside of the home in order to be the best mama she can be. I just don't think it should be the norm our culture has made it.

I believe staying home is as far from a waste of talent as anything ever could be, and I believe mamas who stay at home should never be looked down on, ridiculed, or given the third degree.

I was there the day my kiddos learned to read.

I was there when they learned to write.

I was there when they decided they wanted to be inventors, architects, artists, and teachers.

And I’m still here.

I don’t get it right every day.

In fact, my nose is stuck behind a computer screen way more than I want it to be (I’m working on that time freedom thing right now). But I’m here and I’m trying. And so are many other mamas too – and even a whole host of dads as well.

Our lives are far from perfect, but we're living the kind of life we know we were meant to live - right beside our kids - and while we know it's not the choice most parents make, we're so thankful we get to do it.

We are here, and we are trying – and our talents, degrees, experience, and expertise is far from wasted; it's invested right where we want it to be – into our own children every day in our own way.

And thankfully it’s not 2005 anymore, so those of us who stay at home with our kids now have the potential to work as well - the potential to do our best work because we're right where we feel we should be.

We are musicians, software developers, writers, editors, marketers, influencers, bloggers, lawyers, graphic designers, artists, makers, nurses, authors.

We are scientists, nutritionists, historians, teachers, creators, dreamers, believers.

Sadly, though, too many of us never get to step into our true selves because we have not known it was possible to stay at home and work too.

And because of that, the world is missing the writing, art, music, literature, creations, inventions, and innovations that could be possible if we were all doing the work we were meant to do.

So, if there's a part of you that always wanted to work from home but felt it could never happen...

Here are the top 5 ways I've seen the dream come true:

Do the math. Sometimes saving money is the biggest income you can bring to your family (how much would you save if you didn’t pay for daycare, a second car, a large home mortgage, satellite television subscriptions, etc.?). Do the math and see the real numbers - how much would you save if you stayed home?
Sacrifice. What are you willing to sacrifice to make your dream come true? Can you live without that $5 coffee every day? the expensive hairstyle? the fancy clothes? the second car? Make a list of what you're willing to sacrifice to stay at home with your kiddos and do the math on how much you're saving again. How does it all shake out now?
Check your mindset. Believing anything is possible – anything - is the first step. You can work from home if you really want to. The how is totally figureoutable (see this Marie Forleo video for more on that and get her book if you really want to know all about it! Both of these changed my life.) If you want to talk more about mindsets, I’m thrilled to be helping moms step into new mindsets every day now with the Togetherness Redefined book and the 21 Mindset Shifts for Big Change program. I’d love to see you in both of those spots!
Start small. Build trust with your employer and ask to work from home or work while traveling. This is the most successful strategy I’ve heard repeatedly from my traveling friends – it’s certainly worked for me, and although it’s hard work, it's definitely worth it.
Create your own job. Another good strategy for staying at home is starting your own online business or working for another online business owner. There are literally millions of people out there who would love what you have to give - art, music, writing, jewelry, coaching, teaching, financial or law advice, interior design, graphic design... the list is endless. (If you want help with this, I’d love to see you over at Mamas Who Write. This is my favorite way to encourage moms who want to work from home.)

Fourteen years later, I am 100% so glad I decided to stay home with my babies and do whatever it took to make that dream come true, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

So, if you're wondering if it could happen for you, it can. I say go for it.

Still have questions or struggling with the what-if's?

Hop into the email group and join the discussion. I'd love to connect you with a few other mamas who have made this stay-at-home dream come true. There's a whole tribe of us out here waiting to encourage you!

And if you’re looking for homeschool resources, I have quite a few of those too

Check out these posts for more info:

Or, hop into our email group and send me a message.

I'd love to talk homeschooling with you!

Courage, Homeschool, Togetherness, UncategorizedCeleste OrrNovember 10, 2019how to become a stay at home mom, stay at home mom