How to Know Which Dream to Choose
The weirdest thing happened to me last Friday after sending that long togetherness tip about letting go of one dream to embrace the next.
On Friday afternoon, I walked to the mailbox and found a pink envelope addressed to “Current Residents” with our address. Inside was a sweet hand-written note from a couple who live with six rescue dogs in midcoast Maine, asking us if we’d be interested in selling our house to them. The note talked about how much they love Acadia and how our house would be the perfect spot for them to take their dogs up the trail from the backyard each day.
They said our home was just their style and they wanted it.
I have to admit to you that I was tempted for a hot little minute to take the offer, go back to the people who’d bought our truck and see if they’d give it back to us, and set off with our Airstream on another whirlwind adventure.
I’ll also admit that, since home prices have soared here since we bought our house in 2020, I was tempted to call them up immediately and see what kind of price they were thinking of paying to try to figure out how many foreign countries we could visit with our profits.
But within five minutes, I had already chuckled with my husband about the whole thing and he’d called them to say thank you but no, we really couldn’t sell right now.
We love this house.
It called to us in a very special way two years ago, and after 7 years of full-time travel, our kids really need a little bit of stability before they launch into college, career, and so many of their own adventures.
(Plus, I’m totally addicted to that hiking trail in my backyard too, and the smell of the ocean from my porch on foggy mornings, and the way I can spread my books out and look at them in every room, and I don’t want to give all that up right now.)
The truth is, while I know I just said that we have to be willing to give up the stuff we love, the 100% great stuff, and we have to hold that stuff lightly, sometimes it’s just not the right time to give it all up for the next adventure.
Sometimes our current adventure IS the next adventure and we need to hang tight for a little while.
But I don’t take synchronicity like this lightly.
I love winks from heaven when they come, and I can’t help but think this has to be some interesting big magic, some freaky goodness, some kind of crazy weird message from Somewhere that this letter landed in my mailbox on the very day I put out a great big message about letting go of the things we love.
As much as we love it, I know we won’t always live in this house. We’ll either move somewhere new, start traveling full-time again, or we’ll leave this earthside part of life and this home will belong to someone else.
But deep in my gut I know we’re right where we’re supposed to be right now, and it’s a really good feeling.
Not grasping.
Not striving.
Just content, happy, home.
Even if it's not our end-all dream home on the ocean.
Even if it has its crooked spots, scratches on the hardwood floors, and a roof that needs replacing soon.
Even if the people offering to buy us out do live right on the ocean in a home that looks suspiciously like something we’d love to trade them for.
(We looked them up.)
All of that to say this ⤵
Sometimes it’s time to let go and sometimes it’s not.
Sometimes it’s time to be still, to rest, to gather strength for the next big dream, big adventure, or relationship season. And we can have adventures, dreams, and great relationships while we wait, for sure, but we know when it’s time for the pendulum to swing and when it’s time for it to settle down right in the middle for a little while.
So, my dear one, know this ⤵
I hope you trust your intuition, that inner knowing you have, as much as I trust it for you.
I hope you feel clear on what’s right for you right now.
I hope you know with so much confidence that you’ll know what step to take right when you need to take it.
I also think it’s okay to have dreams our entire lives, to long for that oceanfront home and those international travels (or whatever yours are), and to know deep down that when we find ourselves fortunate enough to live in those dream realities one day, we’ll also find ourselves dreaming again, too.
To this point, George Eliot wrote,
“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things that we feel are beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.”
Interestingly enough, this quote is assigned to today’s date (as I write this) in Simple Abundance, and as I took a break from writing this entry to read my little bit of Simple Abundance for today, this very quote was the first set of words waiting for me.
Synchronicity again.
Which I can’t help but acknowledge and say a quiet “thank you” for.
But I have to step back for a beat, too, lest I assign meaning to all these signs and winks from heave where meaning should not be assigned just yet. I have to acknowledge that I don’t know exactly what’s happening with all of these synchronicity moments. Except for what I feel in my heart — a calling, a reminder, that anything is possible.
At every moment in every way, no matter what any of us is facing, anything is possible.
A check can appear in our mailbox that meets our needs.
A job can appear out of nowhere.
A burst of productivity that gets us over the finish line of our goals.
Or any manner of things. All sorts of things. Most of which we can’t even imagine because they’re so great.
I’m staying open to them all. I’d love to think they might have something to do with the dreams I’m currently harboring in my own heart — a way to write full-time while having all of our bills paid, a way to travel internationally with my kids before they leave home, a way to open that oceanfront women’s retreat center here at Acadia, a way to have my own small foundation that gives microloans for female-led business owners, . . . (the list goes on).
But I’m also open to the possibility that I may not know the purpose for a long, long time. Or that something even better could be in store.
Open. Hopeful. Focused on possibility.
That’s where I am. I hope you’ll join me here.
“But how?” you say.
“How do you know for sure which dream to choose? How do you trust these kinds of things to your intuition? How is that a reliable thing to depend on?”
I can literally hear you screaming those words at your laptop just before you slam it in disgust a few seconds from now. (I’ve been a confident, at times over-confident, gut-truster for a good long while now, so I get this question a lot.)
In the past, my answer would have been something along the lines of “get quiet and just do it”. But lately, I’m realizing that’s not the whole story.
Lately, as I’ve been unpacking boxes and boxes of books I had in storage, placing them in stacks all over my house, and reading little bits from my favorite ones day after day, I’m realizing something ⤵
There’s a secret to trusting your gut — you’ve got to have some good stuff in there to trust.
Some really good stuff.
Some mega-trustworthy stuff.
And the only way to get that stuff in your gut is to
#1 — Read good stuff from loads of varied, diverse voices
#2 — Digest that good stuff
#3 — Write about it
#4 — Decide what you think about it
#5 — Then read it again, digest it again, and decide again.
Books, audiobooks, podcasts, online courses, Ted talks, news clips, interviews — all of it.
Every single bit of it.
Fill your whole gut up with so much good stuff, good books, good teachers and keep filling it, keep learning, keep processing — That’s how you get a gut you can trust.
That’s how you can trust your desires.
I’ve been filling my gut with varied, diverse (some would say too diverse but who cares) voices, perspectives, and stories since I was 16 and had my first inklings of becoming a big dreamer. Way back then, the books and voices influencing me were vastly different than the ones influencing me now, but they’ve all been a vital part of this gut I trust so much.
As I’ve been talking to women going after big, scary dreams recently (especially this week after that letting go togetherness tip), I’ve found myself recommending a few really influential books — game-changers, I call them.
If you don’t yet have a gut you can trust, I’m gonna give you the titles of those books right now.
And suggest you read them right now.
Seriously, right now before the scaredy-cat version of yourself convinces you not to.
(If you’re an audio learner like me, hop on Audible and start listening right this very minute even - wash some dishes or go on a walk with your earbuds. Do it now.)
Because these books aren’t just “good” — they’re life-changing.
They’ve changed my life drastically over the past few years (very drastically) for the better.
Here they are ⤵⤵⤵
You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
The Miracle Morning: 6 Habits That Will Change Your Life by Hal Elrod
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
There are heaps and heaps of other books that have also been game-changers, but if you haven’t read these, this is a great place to start.
(And no, I don’t get any kick-backs for recommending those to you — not even a few affiliate pennies or anything — I just recommend them.)
Now go get that gut you can trust, start trusting it already and get after that dream.
But wait, there’s something else, too. . .
Just in case you forgot about dreams and how they work.
Just in case you’re still in the “But how?” loop.
Just in case you’re feeling like you’ve been doing so many right things, reading so many good books and working on all the right mindsets, and still getting nowhere closer to your dream.
There’s one more thing you need to know ⤵⤵⤵
(It’s something most big dream encouragers charge boatloads of money to tell people through private coaching and online programs galore and I’m giving it to you for free, so listen up.)
You’ve gotta do the work.
You literally have to get off your hind parts and get it done.
It’s as simple as that.
If you want your own business, you have to apply for the LLC, make some things, create a website, and start selling them.
If you want to write a book, you have to carve out writing time in your schedule and put pen to paper, email the agent, and pitch the publishers.
If you want to travel internationally, you have to book the tickets.
If you want to get out of your dead-end job and the crushing debt you’re in and see the world with your kids, you have to change the way you spend money, apply for new jobs, create your own side-hustle business, start paying off loans with the money you’re currently wasting in restaurants and on junk that doesn’t light you up, etc. etc.
And here’s the good news — You can.
You so completely, totally and 100%, can.
And when you do, please please come over to the email group and let me know.
I’ll be right there cheering you on.